I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
