The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
