Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
