apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
