You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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