She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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