Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
