Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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