jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
