I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
