Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
