I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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