I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize