he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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