can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
