Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
