The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
