Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Damn victory sex feels great
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
