she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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