your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
