WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
