She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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