Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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