i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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