So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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