I cannot find my penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize