i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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