I feel great
I just peed on a car
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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