me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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