Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
