so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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