Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I believe in your delicious
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
