bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
