She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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