Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
