I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
