you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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