I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Success! We fucked roommates!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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