If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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