woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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