why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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