I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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