my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
