My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
