once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
