my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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