It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
