I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize