My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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