You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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