Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I checked into jail on foursquare
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize