Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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