Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
