Sponge bath it is.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize