Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
