I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
