So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
