I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
