You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
