Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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