well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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