If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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