; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
