dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
