just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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