Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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