There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
