I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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