i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dear god my vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
