I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
