Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
