I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
