Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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