Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh god the rape fog is back!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize