a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
