I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
