Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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