He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
