I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
