you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
