I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
