everyone is single if you try hard enough
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
