i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
