I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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