and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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