Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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