Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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