Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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