If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
