i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
