My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
