Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just found puke in my bra..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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