he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize