I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
