i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
