Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
