Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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